So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
why is half of my head shaved?
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