Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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