bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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