I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
