wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
