im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
