Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
