I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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