Screwed.edu
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
