Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
