well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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