you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
