we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The power of my boobs compel you
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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