I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
