i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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