she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
