The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
is this the sara with the beer cane?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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