i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
