My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
