Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize