hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
