i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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