I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
