She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
