So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
What a dumb baby whore.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Randomize
