so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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