That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
