Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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