i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
