I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Randomize
