that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I have feelings that need drinking.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize