I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
