he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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