I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
