it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
