i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
