My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
