From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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