just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
