I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
