Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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