I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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