im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
