I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
