Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize