Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
