Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
And then my night got REAL pukey
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
