weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
