The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
