I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
