Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
