Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
