Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
