It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
