dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
