We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she told me i tasted like america
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Randomize
