Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
