forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
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