When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
