hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
