you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
