Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
