So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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