conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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