She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
