Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
