I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Houston, we have a squirter
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
