where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
