Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
