Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize