you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I am spending my child support on dildos
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
