You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
