garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
