fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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