I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
