I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
