i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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